My life is really filled with small, nameless moments and I keep teaching myself this IS happiness.

Today i will love myself, today I will not think too much about tomorrow. Each beautiful moment is waiting not to be missed…

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내삶은 이 작고 특별한 일 없는 순간들로 가득차 있다…꼭 무슨 큰 일이 있는 순간들은 아주 가끔 우리에게 찾아온다… 이 작은 순간들 그렇지만 내게 주는 작은 몇초동안의 기쁨들… 잃지 않을 거다… 계속 이 작은 순간들 기억하고 느끼고… 그렇게 사는게 행복한 삶이다…

 

moments

 

Our little girl Scout is reminding us that life isn’t as complicated as we make it. The falls are just as fun as the steps and every time we get back on our feet we have grown…

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아기들은 계속 넘어지면서 걸음을 배운다… 이 작지만 너무나 큰 진리… 넘어지는게 문제가 아니라 계속일어날 수 있는 용기… 우리딸 하나가 가르쳐주는 내 삶의 지혜… 고마워 하나 고마워 라이프…

 

 

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I often feel grateful for Scout to have Craig as a daddy. That she won’t suffer through her early years under the iron fist of a father like mine.
But then I feel bad for my father who never had a father like Craig’s…

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가끔씩 하나가 크랙을 아빠로 갖고 태어난 것에 대해서 많이 감사한다…나처럼 고지식하신 우리 아빠 밑에서 자라지 않아도 되는 하나가 부럽기까지 했다… 그런데 조금 더 생각해보면 크랙의 아빠같은 아빠를 가지지 못하시고 태어나서, 가족사랑을 받지 못하시고 자라나셔서 저렇게 마음의 벽을 높게 쌓아두고 사시는 우리 아빠도 많이 불쌍하다는 생각이 들었다… 그래서 인생은 계속 살면서 평생 배워야 하는 여행인 것 같다… 항상 내일이 있을거라고 생각하고 미뤄왔던 것들을 이제 좀 그만 미루고 실천할때가 된거 같다… 우리 아빠한테 전화라도 하는 것 부터…오늘은 마니 아빠생각이…

 

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May be Raising baby is my last chance to change myself.

This little Girl Scout Hana brought out the real me, she is showing me how to be a person. helping me tap the power that pulls me through life’s most challenging moments..

Part of me was born with Scout Hana.
I am re-learning to feel awe in the world, learning about myself, to letting go and getting rid of the bad habits that i didn’t address before she came into my life

 

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I love spending every moment with my little girl and watching her grow, but in the back of my head, i feel my creative life is dying. I just don’t have time and excess energy to pursue the dream of my life… Niggled by the thoughts I am so much behind the people out there constantly “doing, making things” which often frustrates me and at times restrains me from being ‘here’ with my loved ones… Honestly, I think I’m finally “living” for first time in my life, feeling and being LOVE, all thanks to our little girl… even though this new situation puts me in reverse at times?

I can’t find time to do all the things I want to do and create….Why do I beat myself up with self-doubt, self-disgust, self-judgment… And into the rabbit hole I go.

I’m reading, meditating and the answers I hear, or rather the voices are telling me to get out of my own way and let thing happen. Patience is both friend or foe and I’m learning about how I can be my own best friend. Relinquishing the need to have the answers and being faithful that the journey of life will deliver me to the place I am supposed to be… Not controlling my destiny and instead living it, being faithful to the experience. Perhaps the answers are a chain reaction of events that must happen in sequence and not in a single Big Bang.

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이것 저것 성취하고 싶은것은 너무 많은데 시간이 안되고 내 앞에 당장해야할 일들이 많아 자꾸 조급해진다…나만 뒤에 처지는 것 같고 내 앞에 앞서가는 사람들에 치이고, 괜한 사람들에게 짜증나고…숨 한번 들이쉬고 보니 모두 오직 내 머리속에서 생겨나고 사라지는 생각 들이었다…내가 지금하고 있는 것, 내 어린딸과 평생 한번밖에 오지않는 이 순간들을 즐기는 것, 내게 너무나 큰 사랑을 일깨워 준 남편곁에서 #솔메이트 되어주는거, 또 내 주위에서 아무도 모르게 자라는 너무나 크고 아름다운 나무들 보며 삶을 느끼는거…생각해보니 아무것도 성취하지 않고 있는게 아니다… play the long game- 지금 내게 꼭 필요한건 긴 게임을 할 수있는 인내심

Thank you, Life

I often think I’m in one long vivid dream.
Sometimes I see the people I love and wonder, who are these people?
And what happened that timid, unhappy little girl from Korea?
How did I get here?
Where is here – now?

When I face life’s most challenging moments I reflect on my struggle to BE in this place and smile at the courage I needed on that journey each day to get here.

Only courage, and a little blind faith can make such leaps.
Finally love is found, so much love, that it feels like a dream.

Thank you life.

 

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