Letting go is still (very) hard for me.

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30 over years of habit can’t easily go away in few years. I might need to practice another 30 years (or more) to undo old habits and re-create new one.

Once I decide to let go (again) of the thought- “I want to see the change right now”-, finally I start to see the blue sky behind the dark cloud….again.  I do this everyday for one reason- to be happy.

We all come to this life only once, and we have choice to make it good or not good. Simple but hard to follow up.

Falling, getting up, falling, getting up, falling, getting up, falling deep again…

The old self never goes away, no matter what, it will be still there. But as we practice new habit, it goes right beside our old habit. From there it’s all up to us, which one we want to strengthen, which one we want it to grow more than the other one…. like our muscles in our body. If we use them they grow, we don’t use them, they go smaller.

That’s why we call yoga practice, not yoga learning.

There’s no ending, just keep going and one day, we become whatever we practice.

Practicing yoga helps me to make space inside of me so that I can feel things, feel gratitude. The warm sun light, the clean water to drink, lots of clothes to wear, house to live, food to eat…

These things I never learned from school, my parents never taught me to sit down still and find myself feeling grateful for small little things in my life, but also, they never learned that either. So the cycle goes on and on.

 

Practicing yoga is letting go, getting out of my head and getting into our own body, relearn to feel.

As I let go and practice, my mind starts to shift, my heart opens, and I am finally get ready for another day. Not an extension of yesterday.

Yoga teacher Iyengar said ” The highest point of yesterday should be the lowest point of today.”

Today I am hoping to let go little more than yesterday so I can live/ feel my life, and hope my little daughter can learn the real life from me.

 

namaste.

My life is really filled with small, nameless moments and I keep teaching myself this IS happiness.

Today i will love myself, today I will not think too much about tomorrow. Each beautiful moment is waiting not to be missed…

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내삶은 이 작고 특별한 일 없는 순간들로 가득차 있다…꼭 무슨 큰 일이 있는 순간들은 아주 가끔 우리에게 찾아온다… 이 작은 순간들 그렇지만 내게 주는 작은 몇초동안의 기쁨들… 잃지 않을 거다… 계속 이 작은 순간들 기억하고 느끼고… 그렇게 사는게 행복한 삶이다…

 

moments

 

Our little girl Scout is reminding us that life isn’t as complicated as we make it. The falls are just as fun as the steps and every time we get back on our feet we have grown…

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아기들은 계속 넘어지면서 걸음을 배운다… 이 작지만 너무나 큰 진리… 넘어지는게 문제가 아니라 계속일어날 수 있는 용기… 우리딸 하나가 가르쳐주는 내 삶의 지혜… 고마워 하나 고마워 라이프…

 

 

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I often feel grateful for Scout to have Craig as a daddy. That she won’t suffer through her early years under the iron fist of a father like mine.
But then I feel bad for my father who never had a father like Craig’s…

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가끔씩 하나가 크랙을 아빠로 갖고 태어난 것에 대해서 많이 감사한다…나처럼 고지식하신 우리 아빠 밑에서 자라지 않아도 되는 하나가 부럽기까지 했다… 그런데 조금 더 생각해보면 크랙의 아빠같은 아빠를 가지지 못하시고 태어나서, 가족사랑을 받지 못하시고 자라나셔서 저렇게 마음의 벽을 높게 쌓아두고 사시는 우리 아빠도 많이 불쌍하다는 생각이 들었다… 그래서 인생은 계속 살면서 평생 배워야 하는 여행인 것 같다… 항상 내일이 있을거라고 생각하고 미뤄왔던 것들을 이제 좀 그만 미루고 실천할때가 된거 같다… 우리 아빠한테 전화라도 하는 것 부터…오늘은 마니 아빠생각이…

 

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Reminds me of my dad who’s not been in touch for the longest time…he’s never said “I love you” or showed me his affections… Once he once admitted that his method of giving love was wrong… but the depth of his love is deep… I believe many Korean fathers share a similar perspective…

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이 그레피티 를 보면서 오랫동안 연락없이 살아온 우리 아빠 생각이 나 잠시 동안 마음이 아팠다. 그동안 한 번도 내게 “사랑한다” 말씀해주신적은 없었지만 그 나름대로 우리를 사랑하셨던 것이다.. 사랑하셨던 방법이 나빴을 뿐이지 그 사랑 의 깊이는 너무나 깊었었던 것을 … 이제 엄마가 되서 이해하기 시작했다… 그래서 인생 은 살면서 비로소 배우게 되는 것 같다…

 

 

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Thank you, Life

I often think I’m in one long vivid dream.
Sometimes I see the people I love and wonder, who are these people?
And what happened that timid, unhappy little girl from Korea?
How did I get here?
Where is here – now?

When I face life’s most challenging moments I reflect on my struggle to BE in this place and smile at the courage I needed on that journey each day to get here.

Only courage, and a little blind faith can make such leaps.
Finally love is found, so much love, that it feels like a dream.

Thank you life.

 

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