The little girl inside of me was abandoned in a hurry with the rest of childhood and its memories creating an emotional void filled with grief. By writing to that little girl, I’m learning to connect with and discover a version of myself that I never knew existed.
The ‘write to Min’ series was inspired these awakening moments in early 2013:
First, I made the random choice of going through yoga teacher training in the middle of a hectic life as a commercial artist. Teacher training opened my perspective and helped me read a book sent by my father whom I’d been running from for more than a decade. The book was about encouraging adults to get reacquainted with their inner child. I learned that everyone is broken in some way, we develop as best we can until we can’t go further because we lack of the tools to cope with the complex challenges of adult life. We have a breakdown or begin to live a lie by behaving in ways influenced by society or popular culture. Some continue with the pretense for entire lifetimes without knowing the true healing essence within themselves.
This valuable lesson isn’t just helping me to understand myself, it also helps me look into my dad’s childhood which was much worse than mine due to poverty and ignorance of his culture and a generation torn apart by world war II.
After the book, I had a glimpse of truth from my Dad’s perspective about why he treated me with so much anger and violence, why he had to approach the world with negativity, why he hated and mistrusted his own siblings, friends, even his three children and himself – which explained why he couldn’t give me any love. He was practicing the lessons he learned when he was a little boy, he just didn’t’ receive love as the people around him weren’t able to trust each other in the competitive environment they had to survive.
That’s all my dad knows about the meaning of life.
His children inherited his baggage and wrong learnings causing us to feel constantly unsettled and unable to hear the voices inside, instead we grabbed at instant material gratifications and held tightly to bad habits that became friendly doorways to escapism.
Now I believe childhood should never end and by writing it down I’m learning to dig deep inside of me and unlock the feelings that regain confidence and who I truly am and little Min is finally coming out to play when we make art together.